i guess ill see ya next lifetime.

(sorry in advance for typos.)

here i am again, trying to write something with substance. (cuz hey, look at the tagline) lately, i've have thee worst verbal constipation and haven't produced anything worth reading. at least in my eyes. so at the end of previous attempts, i would just quit safari and start doing something else.

but it's a beautiful tuesday morning and among other things i have been telling myself to do (but haven't) writing seems the easiest to tackle.

i wanna talk about breaking up. with abi aka doowaditty and her take on being miss independent and rach aka the new mayor of forks and her cut-throat, no bullshit assessment on shit you just gotta know... and my friends who just been hittin me up with the news. or when i see status changes on online social networks (cuz you know your myspace and fb is more important than you're willing to admit.. but that's a WHOLE different blog)... breaking up is the fucking trend right now.

here's the way i've always viewed it. people break up for one of two reasons: 1. it's not the right time. 2. s/he is not THE ONE. when you break it down to something as simple as that, it cuts out the tears or the hate. it takes a lot to admit to either of these to reasons. because you tried so hard, and you work so long and your blood sweat and tears went into the relationship.. so it better be the right fucking time.. or s/he better be the one... bcuz you know you didnt do so much, and give so much, and love so much and work so much for the fucking timing to be off or for him/her to not be THE ONE.

trust me, we've ALL been there. too afraid to admit that it was THE WRONG ONE we tried so hard with. or too devastated to say "hey, i want this, you want that in life.. it's time we venture off and do those things so we stop holding eachother down."

after reevaluating what's been going on around me, here's what i see are some huge issues...

-there's a difference between being with someone loving, and him loving you the way you need and want.
-theres a difference between saying you trust your man and actually trusting him. (and don't try and say some shit like "i trust HIM but not faulty bitches"... been there, done that... and people know when you bullshittin.)
-ultimatums... (gah! can we say ULTI-NO-NO!)
-different life plans and goals.

all i have to say (which is gonna seem like a lot) is:

-if you and your feelings aren't being taken care of the way you need and/or want.. first of all, YOU better be taking care of you and your feelings regardless, but if your complementary partner can't follow your lead.. PEACE THE FUCK OUT. end it while there are no hard feelings, so you don't start becoming angry and start tryna lay down ultimatums which then will create those hard feelings when one or both of you have had enough.

-if you don't trust the one you're with, you might as well throw in the towel. your new love isn't your old one, so take a chance. and besides, if you are one of those who let one bad apple ruin it for the rest of the bunch... why the fuck are you still dating anyway? not to be fucked up, but as long as you have the fucked up attitude.... well, it'll reflect on your love life.

-ahh... the ultimatum. bottom line is, they don't work. a good one recently was this: person a: "person b, if you go out drinkin and smokin you'll be in trouble." person a knew that person b likes to do that shit before even getting together. here's what happens (more often than not) person b agrees to withhold from doing such things, but does it anyway. person a finds out. and hell breaks loose. there's two problems here. 1. person a needs to accept it or bounce. 2. person b should've sacked up and said "fuck that. i can do what i want, if u don't like it, PEACE." ....ultimatums automatically mean that it's gonna force someone to do something they don't want to do. and if you really love someone, why would you do that to them? what will happen if person b agrees to the ultimatum and actually tries to abide by it.. animosity and hostile feelings start to fester and one day end up manifesting in the next fight for example: "i stopped drinkin n smokin for you even though i didnt want to and you (never give me credit) (always go out) (enter whatever statement fits.. im sure you've all heard or said one before)"
if it comes to a point where you have to give ultimatums, you gotta go. because you're trippin, yea i said it. we ALL ain't no one to control anyone else's life. and people do what they do and the only thing that should affect you is you.. like rihanna said, "live ya life."

-different points in your lives? it sucks. cuz you see all the potential the other person has and moreover, you see the potential your relationship has. but it just isn't the right time. this is, to me, the hardest, because there's nothing really wrong with the relationship.. no fighting or arguing.. it's just obvious you guys want different things. so you don't feel the need to end it. but eventually one person wants to be serious and one wants to pump the brakes. one wants to make plans of settling down.. the other is making plans regarding their career. the subject comes up more frequently then.. that's it. you bow out. because you both aren't willing to give in (which is good in this sense because it would be totally sacrificing your feelings).

breaking up is never fun. but you gotta do what you gotta do. take care of you and your feelings, cuz you were born alone and you're gonna die alone. and like i always always say.. rely only on the things you build because that way, you are the only one who can say when its broken. i'm not saying don't have a big heart... but what i'm saying is have thick skin as well. becuz when all else fails, or seems like it's failing.. as long as YOU LOVE YOU.. the weight of the world doesn't seem so heavy, the rain isn't pouring as hard and you realize behind each cloud is the sun shining bright.